Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
