I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
