i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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