Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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