Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
