I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
