Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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