Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
