i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
