i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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