We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
