tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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