promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dick very happy bro
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
