I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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