so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
