2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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