he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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