there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
