it's like iHOP with fire
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
