So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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