Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
