i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
