They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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