You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize