Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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