I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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