You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
