3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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