It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
