I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
