Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
