Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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