:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize