man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
