I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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