when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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