Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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