Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
