Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
