after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
