She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
