You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
