Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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