You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
