Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
