She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
