I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if only i could text you this smell
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
