when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
