Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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