I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
