its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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