he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
