I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize