i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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