I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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