I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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