I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
