Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
