Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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