I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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