Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize