Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
