ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
