Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
