I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize